Oh, Teddy. You are so wise!

102 years ago

Theodore Roosevelt's ideas on Immigrants
and being an AMERICAN in 1907.
'In the first place, we should insist
that if the immigrant who comes here
in good faith becomes an American and
assimilates himself to us, he shall
be treated on an exact equality with
everyone else, for it is an outrage to
discriminate against any such man
because of creed, or birthplace, or
origin. But this is predicated upon the
person's becoming in every facet an
American, and nothing but an American...
There can be no divided allegiance here.
Any man who says he is an American,
but something else also, isn't an American
at all. We have room for but one flag, the
American flag... We have room for but one
language here, and that is the English
language.. And we have room for but one
sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to
the American people.'
Theodore Roosevelt 1907

Prohibito!

IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER
ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR.

>IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY
YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY.
>IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY,
YOU GET SHOT.
>IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY
 YOU WILL BE JAILED.
>IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER ILLEGALLY
 YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.
>IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY
YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND
YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED.
>IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY
YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO
POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT.
>IF YOU CROSS THE U.S. BORDER ILLEGALLY 
YOU GET:
>* A JOB,
>* A DRIVERS LICENSE,
>* SOCIAL SECURITY CARD,
>* WELFARE,
>* FOOD STAMPS,
>* CREDIT CARDS,
>* SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A
LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE,
>* FREE EDUCATION,
>* FREE HEALTH CARE,
>* A LOBBYIST IN WASHINGTON
>* BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF
PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED
IN YOUR LANGUAGE
>* THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRY'S
FLAG WHILE YOU PROTEST THAT YOU
DON'T GET ENOUGH RESPECT
>I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE 
I HAD A FIRM GRASP ON THE SITUATION.

Puppy Power

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
One more thing, staring at me while I eat to try to direct my mind to give you my food will not work (usually). I am too old and too tired. Go stare at the kids. They are younger and more susceptible to mind control. If you don't believe me, notice how they all dress alike so they can be individuals.



Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children

The American Flag fights back!

Please excuse the language....
but really! He is!!!

Hungry for Ice Cream?

In honor of the 44th President of the United States, Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream has introduced a new flavor: "Barocky Road".

Barocky Road is a blend of half vanilla, half chocolate and surrounded by nuts and flakes. The vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised and usually denied as an ingredient. The nuts and flakes are all very bitter and hard to swallow.

The cost is $100.00 per scoop.

When purchased, it will be presented to you in a large beautiful cone, but then the ice cream topping is taken away and given to the person in line behind you.

You are left with an empty wallet and no change, holding an empty cone with no hope of getting any ice cream.

Are you stimulated?